Writing Can Be Murder

April 7, 2008

Last Friday when I was in hell

Filed under: Uncategorized — love2wryte @ 11:56 pm

(otherwise known as COSTCO) it occurred to me that it’s probably a very good thing that no one could read my mind because I was busy plotting murder. Specifically I was imagining the deaths of my fellow shoppers. Even more specifically, the dreaded “SAMPLE EATERS!”

You know who I’m talking about — those shoppers that live to try each and every sample of food that’s offered. The poor, starving-to-death shoppers, who stand in the already crowded aisles with their carts, so that they can get a free morsel of chicken salad, or a taco roll, or even, if it’s a banner day….a pretzel!!!!! Because otherwise they’d just collapse from hunger.

Anyway, as I shouted “Excuse me!” at the tenth (or was it hundredth?) idiot standing in front of someone wearing a white paper hat so that they could eat something served on a toothpick, I started wondering how difficult it might be to kill the Sample Eaters. All of ’em. At once.

Maybe all the microwaves could be rigged to explode at once, or maybe a poison could be sprinkled in all of those little paper cups they serve the junk in. It wouldn’t even have to be a tasteless poison since these people scarf everything.

Not a bad idea, right?



  1. I can’t really comment. While I usually don’t sample – yesterday at Shop Rite some nice lady was giving out rainbow cookies – my all time favorite, so I took one and ate in the frozen food aisle. Then I tried to figure out how I could disguise myself enough to go back and get another one.

    Comment by Jennifer Colgan — April 8, 2008 @ 5:01 pm | Reply

  2. OMG — You’re one of THOSE people????!!

    I’m never speaking to you again. (and on a side note, are rainbow cookies, those things that are pink, yellow and green?)

    Comment by love2wryte — April 8, 2008 @ 11:33 pm | Reply

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